Me: hello is anyone there
Murderer: lmfao u caught me I'll be out in a sec lmao
“i need to stop,” i whispered as i clicked next episode.
Teacher: Why did you not study?
Me: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
kimmychau: joycakes: ayoalec: The guiltiest dog in existence you let it happen i hope ur happy LOL THE background music omg GUILTY OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA
Girl: but if i have a boyfriend, and i kiss a girl, does that really count as cheating?
Me: if i punch you in the face with my left fist, but i'm right-handed, does that really count as me punching you in the face
yiffmyass: nyeeeeaaaah: A list of things that do not offend people • • • • • why are all the dots black you fucking racist
meroro: hundredacrerain: taterdoom: ...
I was hungry so I bought some animal crackers at...
Cashier guy: ok that will be 1.39
Me: uh can I get a bag too please?
Cashier guy: *gives me a weird look but hands me a small bag*
Me: thank you I think people might look at me funny if they see me walking around the mall with animal crackers you know
Cashier guy: what just be like "YEH I LIKE ANIMAL CRACKERS AND WHAT"
Cashier guy (as I'm leaving): DON'T LET THE HATERS BRING YOU DOWN YOU EAT THOSE ANIMAL CRACKERS GIRL
I wish I could just negotiate with the spiders in...
Me: Okay well I really hate killing you guys and I know that without you the world would be overrun with insects, so I love you and all, but I kind of really need to take a shower and I don't wanna drown you or have you panic and bite me.
Spider: No probs bro I'll just go hang around in that corner until you're done. By the way, your fan is getting really dirty, my cousin's been living in there and he's not so happy with the conditions.
Me: Oh that's okay I'll have it cleaned and just you can just tell him to move out until it's done.
Spider: Sure thing, man, I'll be over here until your shower's over.
chaucershakespeare: sprucey-6661: moodymormon: I had to reblog this even before I made it halfway through. omG GOD BLESS Truly, too epic for words Fucking amazing