megaman2: megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy” please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
i went out to eat lunch with my mom and i forgot what a knife was called so i asked the waitress for “one of those things that you use to stab people with”
turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: GUESS WHO GOT SOME APPLE FLAVOURED SHAMPOO WAIT NO I MEANT SCENTED DON’T WORRY IT TASTES LIKE APPLES TOO i just threw up
osamah: is ramen an emotion i’m feeling pretty ramen right now
doctorheavenharkness: n0kil7ing: sevenseasaurus: Science experiment: Who is easiest to summon? Egberts? Pizza? John Green? A vegan? The only way to find out is to reblog and wait. Wait patiently. Just wait. It will be good I promise. fuck you vegans aren’t your source of entertainment you animal killers. and the vegan wins
thejesusdick: fried-butter: I wonder if I can get my prostate moved to my abdomen so I can be like the pillsbury doughboy and be poked there but instead of giggling I let out screams and moans of sheer pleasure
oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD kOMFGYOD
i’m still waiting for my princess diaries transformation where are you paolo I’m here!
baboushkat: I have 9 beautiful planets standing before me, but I only have 8 photos in my hands; sorry Pluto you are out of the running to become the Solar System’s Next Top Planet
"redtapir started following you"
Oh my, yesssss. I love your art.
bulletbakas: ain’t no friendship like a friendship where you’re either confused as siblings or gay lovers
danistotallyuncool: naking: mom, dad… i’m…. RANDOM!! LOL XD The bible said Adam and Eve not Adam and TACO PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!! xDD
hate: i am literally so cranky in the morning and if you say something to me i will kill you 3 times
kanyewesticle: all restaurants are drive-thru’s if you drive hard enough
acquaint: if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS